Dear Mom that needs Hope,
I’m sharing this especially for you today.
A struggle I refuse to let define me.
Maybe you’re in the same boat with this struggle or one that is similar.
You’re not alone.
I understand sharing a deep struggle is really difficult.
What I’ve found is that sharing brings freedom, and it releases chains of others around you.
It gives permission for friendships to deepen, and for new friendships to form.
May you be encouraged and find hope.
The Day I Admitted the Truth
A poem from 2015 about the day I came to terms with my depression/anxiety, and the tremendous impact of receiving loving support.
I broke down today.
Relentlessly crying in my husband’s arms I admitted the truth.
The words were directed at him, but it wasn’t his revelation.
Through the breaks in my sobbing, I heard myself admitting the truth to myself.
A month, perhaps a few months ago, he pleaded with me to go to the doctor and to talk about the options.
I thought he was not giving me enough credit of how well I had been doing lately, and of all the steps I had been taking.
In my mind, my improvements were giant leaps.
At the time he had stated the obvious, “It still shouldn’t have to be such a daily struggle.”
I felt like my good days were very good and my bad days were not nearly as wrecking.
Even when something did start to get out of sorts…I didn’t explode.
It was minor to diffuse and everything got lighter and happier in much shorter amounts of time.
Except, more recently, that’s not been the case.
Days that have started off very well will quickly and unexpectedly start to unravel.
I’m not even always sure of the trigger.
It’s like starting to drown.
The overwhelming weight to do simple tasks.
Struggling beneath the crashing waves of ugly thoughts.
And tonight everything just felt wrong.
I couldn’t stop crying.
Praying for courage I knew what I had to do.
“You’re right,” I told him.
I thought I had been doing all the right things.
And I am doing many beneficial things for all areas of my health.
But I can’t fix myself, and I feel out of control of my emotions.
The amazing thing about my husband is that he is a man of few words.
Sometimes (many times) that can drive me crazy.
I cried out all the lonely and desperately sad words that have wanted to pour out of my heart.
“I love you,” is all he said, and that is exactly and all the words needed.
P.S. I am going to be super honest with you. I’ve had this draft sitting for over a month before I got up the courage to hit publish. Depression and Anxiety are constant thorns in my life, but I choose to continue to seek help, practice self-care, share with my mom community, and ask the Lord for strength. Mental illness symptoms/treatment are as unique as each human that bears them. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that there is always hope. I ultimately decided to share this because if my struggles can help just one person, it is worth it.
Do you remember the day you came to terms with depression or another mental illness?
If this is not your struggle, can you find a way to be supportive of someone in your life?
I’d love to hear your answers in the comments!
Some recent articles worth checking out are 5 Things Christians Should Know about Depression and Anxiety, 10 Verses of Hope and here are 11 resources for those suffering.
One specifically for moms: 10 Ways I’m Thinking Positive and Rocking Motherhood.
A great quick reference guide from Hope For The Heart.
Sharing is Caring!