I feel like I break too easily.
Things don’t go a certain way, they don’t meet a subconscious expectation, and I crack a little at a time.
Then something small and random happens that just blows the whole haystack up.
If I am in public it takes everything inside of me, every ounce of energy to stand up and not cry. And the moment I am free from the prying, wondering, concerned eyes it is hard to stop the tears. Things just don’t feel right. I am not myself. I look and see a reflection and realize it is supposed to be me in the mirror.
Today I felt weak, not good enough, and left wondering why other people can hold it together but I fail at that too.
I felt like I wouldn’t have the energy to take care of my children today. I knew I had to take care of myself, but that condemning voice inside my head made me feel selfish and guilty for thinking that way. It is exhausting listening to and believing lies.
So, in the midst of feeling overwhelmed and weak, I made a choice to accept my weakness.
My two sweet girls are having the time of their life with their grandparents for the night. They love me and know that I love them. I loved them enough to admit I was weak and needed help, and that is how I remembered I am stronger than I think I am, but I am also not strong enough to do this alone.